Clubcomedy: Hi, everyone! Welcome to Caroline's Online!! I'm your host, Jennifer Rogers. It's Saturday midnightET and we're live at the country's premier comedy club, in the heart of Times Square, in New York City. Please allow me to set the stage:
Beyond the 34-foot vertical neon sign hanging outside on Broadway is an 11,000-square foot classically modern environment featuring a showroom with banquettes, tables, and chairs, and a lounge that offers intimate, plush seating areas and plenty of space to mingle.
A color scheme of muted mahogany, blue, green and tobacco tones creates a rich, dramatic feeling. Walls are uplit and downlit with colored lights for a spectacular effect. Velvets, tapestries, leather and exotic wood are used throughout. A harlequin theme appears in upholstery fabrics and on the stage.
A glass hood etched with names of many comedians who have played Caroline's over the years hangs above the bar in the lounge. An entire wall is decorated with photographs of Caroline's alumni, which include such luminaries as Judy Tenuta, Richard Lewis, Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Belzer, Jay Leno, Pee Wee Herman, Sandra Bernhardt, Billy Crystal, and many, many more.
Clubcomedy: We are taking your questions for performers in tonight's All-Star Showcase. Your online correspondents are stationed both in the Lounge and near the stage, to catch the comics before, during, and after their routines.
Use the Interact with Host button to send questions to a professional New York Comic, guesting here tonight!
And here comes one now! Greg Rogell has just come in! You've seen Greg on the Tonight Show -- and there's a funny transcript of his Caroline's performance a couple of weeks ago, available for downloading from the Transcripts library (Keyword: FRIDAY).
NYComics: Let the fun begin!
Clubcomedy: Greg, let's get this first question, from TNTBLUES, out of the way early...
Question: Heard any new OJ jokes lately?
NYComics: OJ, hmmm. Okay:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
OJ.
OJ who?
You'r'e on the jury!
NYComics: HIT ME WITH THE NEXT QUESTION BABY.
Clubcomedy: Here it is...
Question: Is Caroline , the Caroline from A&E television?
NYComics: Yes it is. Now, more intelligent questions please... C'MON IDIOTS! I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT
Clubcomedy: SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO COMIC GREG ROGELL VIA THE INTERACT WITH HOST ICON
Clubcomedy: Here's one...
Question: Is Greg Jewish?
NYComics: Yes, that is correct. Shalom!
Clubcomedy: What do you like abt being Jewish?
NYComics: Money is good
Clubcomedy: Here is DGEINDY...
Question: How about that Bob Hope?
NYComics: Uh... seems like a nice man.
Clubcomedy: Blass asks...
Question: Why is this so stupid?
NYComics: I don't know -- all I know is I'm gettin paid.
Clubcomedy: Readynwin is ready...
Question: Why did the pervert cross the road?
NYComics: He was stapled to the chicken.
Clubcomedy: Another question for COMIC GREG ROGELL...
Question: Why are people from New York so rude? Even the attorneys are rude!
NYComics: We're *not* rude, you bastard.
Clubcomedy: Cn you tell us...
Question: Did you hear about Elvis plotting to kill the guy that shot George Wallace?
NYComics: No, but I heard about Liberace plotting to blow the guy that shot Mike Wallace...
Clubcomedy: Maybe you would like to take this, Greg...
NYComics: Maybe I won't.
Question: Who the hell is Greg Rogell anyway?
NYComics: Oh. Ask my manager. In fact, ask him to return my phone calls! Work with me, people!!
Clubcomedy: PlusNine asks...
Question: What do you get when you play country music backwards?
NYComics: I don't know, but when you play Mariah Carey albums backwards it actually kills roaches!
Clubcomedy: Krazy Kite wants to know...
Question: How long have you been at Carolines performing?
NYComics: I've been performing at Carolines for about 4 years.
Clubcomedy: Jews want to know...
Question: What don't you like about being jewish???
NYComics: I don't like... it brings a real damper to my weekly Klan rally meeting.
Clubcomedy: A tough question, from the virtual audience...
Question: Do you like it there (at Caroline's) better than some other clubs that you have played?
NYComics: Beats working in Brooklyn.
Clubcomedy: GREG ROGELL, this is from Wthorax...
Question: What's the deal with Tom Hanks?
NYComics: Tom Hanks was great in Bosom Buddies.
Clubcomedy: Greg, a new question...
Question: I've heard there is some controversy about not using anesthesia for circumsions performed by rabbis.
NYComics: No -- you have it wrong! Some rabbis use anasthesia on themselves!! It makes the chopping all that much more fun!
Clubcomedy: A new question...
Question: What is SUPPOSED to be going on in here, right now?
NYComics: I'm supposed to be in the back of the club smoking pot with the busboy, but instead I'm in the front of the club fielding stupid questions.
Clubcomeds: Custer wonders...
Question: Is the joke on us?
NYComics: What do you mean? I am Greg Rogell, a comic! Love me!! Send questions to me!!!
Clubcomedy: Okay, here is a new one...
Question: Why is something sent by car a shipment, and something sent by ship cargo?
NYComics: How come you are not in this business?
Clubcomedy: Another...
Question: Why is NY so dirty?
NYComics: Because I am peeing right now...in the street!
Clubcomedy: Another nice one from aaaaaat...
Question: Have you checked your underwear lately?
NYComics: Why? did you leave anything special?
Clubcomedy: Sam asks GREG ROGELL...
Question: Who was the marketing genius who thought to put those ads for cameras and capodimonte pieces in with our credit card bills...I mean...the last thing I'm thinking when I get my bill
is..."Gee...I should spend some more money..."
NYComics: Thank you for sharing.... now get a f****ing job!
Clubcomedy: Monica asks...
Question: What do you do without an audience?
NYComics: Hi, Monica. I talk to you people. What are you doing tonight, Monica?
Clubcomedy: Here's a fresh one...
Question: Any comments on Rush Limbaugh?
NYComics: Fat. The end.
Clubcomedy: Roaches, Greg -- from marinebean...
Question: If you play them normally do the roaches breed faster?
NYComics: In my apartment the roaches breed at an astonishing rate....
Clubcomedy: Describe, please..
Question: So tell us about the road?
NYComics: The road is a long strip made of asphalt that cars drive on.
Next question?
Clubcomedy: Jews...
Question: What was your Jewish last name before you started calling yourself Rogell?
NYComics: Rogellowitzstein.
Clubcomedy(from Stage area): PROM COMING IN!!! THEY ARE GOING TO BE SERVED CHICKEN WINGS!! MAITRE D IS GIVING INSTRUCTIONS -- *TWO* PROM PARTIES!!!
NYComics (in Lounge): There are kids in tuxes swarming the bar area... look out!...corsages are flying...not to mention the puke
Clubcomedy: BOBBIE THE TECH ENGINEER JUST STARTED THE MUSIC AND THE VIDEO FOR THE 12:30 SHOW... WAITRESSES ARE DISCUSSING SOMEONE FROM LAST SHOW WHO WAS SLOPPY DRUNK
NYComics: That was me-Greg Rogell-I apologize.... belch
Clubcomedy: KENNY QUINN, THE MAITRE D, IS LEADING 'EM INTO STAGE AREA NOW
Clubcomedy: GREG ROGELL (HILARIOUS COMIC) IS ANSWERING QUESTIONS
NYComics: Yes, hilarious.
Clubcomedy : USE THE INTERACT WITH HOST ICON TO SEND HIM YOURS
Clubcomedy: Here's a comment from the computer audience, Greg...
Question: Just remember...Dying is easy...comedy is hard!
NYComics: No no no... dying sucks, and I am hard. Love me!
Clubcomedy: LOL! We do!! Here's another one...
Question: So tell me. Greg... How was your home life?
NYComics. Dysfunctional... that is why I am here -- I'm working out my problems on your time.
Clubcomedy: Here's one we're all wondering about...
Question: Are you married? have a girl?
NYComics: Have a g-friend, but I'm willing to reconsider -- do you have any photos? Send them to Caroline's with a self-addressed stamped envelope and 100 dollars in cash. No checks please.
Clubcomedy: MY GOD! EVERYBODY IS STRAPLESS!!! BIG CROWD TONITE, GREG, FOR ALL STAR SHOWCASE!!
Clubcomedy: Here's a new question for you...
Question: What spot in the continental U.S is the farthest away from the nearest McDonald's?
NYComics : Um, um... The OJ crime scene!
Clubcomedy: An easier one, perhaps..
Question: What is the capital of NY?
NYComics: MY HOUSE is the capital of NY! Love me!!
Clubcomedy : LOL! I AM SITTTING IN HERE WITH MY COMPUTER LAFFING WHILE THE PROM KIDS ARE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO COME TO THE STAGE AND TELL THEM SOME JOKES! HARDLY SEEMS FAIR!
Clubcomedy: Here's a new question for GREG ROGELL...
Question: What about ito???
NYComics: Ito? Isn't he related to Michael Jackson? No, that's Tito! NEXT!!
Clubcomedy: FLORAL PARK MEMORIAL HI SCH ON LONG ISLAND PROM
NYComics: CMON you cyber monsters...
Clubcomedy: Greg, try this one, from Tryon Jon...
Question: What is the sound of two hands clapping?
NYComics: Uh, that would sound just like two hands clapping. Next stupid question, please.
Clubcomedy: Another for GREG ROGELL...
Question: So I bought that Trump game that he put out...I open it up and there is just a note from Donald -- says "You just paid 30 bucks for this game...I win..."
NYComics: LOL! Very humorous. I'm using it tonight. Thanks buddy!
Clubcomedy: Jews want to know...
Question: Going somewhere for Passover?
NYComics: Where do *you* live? Can I bring Elijah?
Clubcomedy: HERE IS TONITE' S EMCEE, VANESSA HOLLINGSHEAD! SHE IS ASKING HOW EVERYONE FEELS... THEY YELL: SOBER!
NYComics: Let's heckle Vanessa -- Get a day job, lady!
Clubcomedy: VANESA IS ASKING IF THERE IS ANYONE FROM BROKLYN HERE. ( There is.)
NYComics: Asking if there are any people from Brooklyn at Caroline's is like asking if there are any basketball players in Uganda.
Clubcomedy : VANESSA SAYS HER PARENTS WERE DRUGGED OUT HIPPIES. THEY WENT ON FAMILY TRIPS TOGETHER W.O. EVER LEAVING HOME. SHE DOESN'T HAVE CHILDHOOD MEMORIES -- JUST
FLASHBACKS! SHE RECENTLY WENT ON POT MARCH WITH HER MOTHER. HER MOTHER IS 64 YEARS OLD, WEARS BRA *OVER* DRESS CUZ MORE COMFORTABLE.
NYComics: We've come a long way, baby...
Clubcomedy: MA COMPLAINED MARCH WAS DISORGANIZED> VANESSA SAID, "MA, THEY'RE STONED!"
NYComics: I am leaving now to go backstage. I have to get some coffee so I can stay up through my act.
Clubcomedy: THANKS FOR COMING TO CAROLINE 's ONLINE! CHECK THE TRANSCRIPTS AREA (KEYWORD: FRIDAY) FOR A RECORD OF AD LIBS BY COMIC GREG ROGELL, WHO ENTERTAINED US TONITE. AND JOIN US NEXT WEEK-- SAME TIME, SAME PLACE! BYE!!!
